* * Dear Mummy * *

Dear Laura

This is a letter from your 29 year old self, 9 days after you gave birth to Abigail and 9 days after you became a Mummy.  I want you to remember a few things about those first 9 days, there are a few things you need to remember about her birth and the time you spent in hospital.  There are some things that you need to never forget.

Remember that first moment that you saw your daughter, hardly being able to believe that the bump that you had carried for 9 long months was finally gone and a tiny baby was there instead.    Remember the feeling of relief that you felt that she was safe and unhurt. The feeling of relief that your long, hard labour was over and that your pain had ended.  Hearing her first cry brought a tear to your eye as you knew this meant that she was ok and safe.  Remember watching from your bed as Will helped her to get into her first clothes and feeling as if you might explode with pride as he carried her over to you. Gazing at him and hardly daring to believe that he was holding your daughter, the child that you made together.  Remember feeling that you were in a sort of dream world as she was placed beside you in your hospital bed and looking down at her and hardly being able to believe that you had created and grown someone so beautiful.

Remember how quickly the whole process appeared to be over and finding yourself in the hospital ward.  Remember feeling scared and sad that Will had to leave at 4am and knowing that he could not return until the following day.  Remember hoping that she would feed and sleep ok and that you would be able to do it.  Remember hoping that you could do it and be a Mummy to this tiny perfect person.

Remember holding her in your arms, remember being memorised by her tiny body, her perfect fingers and toes and her wonderful smell.  Don't forget how wonderful she looked and how it felt to hold her warm body against yours, gazing down onto her and still finding it hard to believe that she was here, she was yours and she was just awesome.  Remember how she fit close to your body and that together you seemed to mould into each other and were still together, still felt as close as when she was inside you.  

Although you will probably remember the frustration of having to stay in hospital longer than expected, don't forget the wonderful opportunity that this stay gave you to get to know your daughter.  There were no distractions, no television, there was nothing else to do except bond with her and stare at her and be close to her. 

Remember watching your husband with your daughter and thinking who wonderfully lucky you were to have him.  Remember how he hold your hand physically and emotionally throughout labour and the most difficult day of your life.  Remember waking up on the hospital ward at 6am and watching the sun rise over London.  Don't forget scooping your baby girl out of her hospital cot and snuggling her next to you in the hospital bed, breathing in her smell, stroking her back, watching the faces she made and counting down the hours until 10am when Daddy came back and you could spend another day as a brand new family of three.

Don't ever forget how besotted you both were with her, how you would turn to each other and wonder at what a great time waster she was.  Remarking that you could sit and stare at her all day, wondering when her novelty would wear off.  Remember pointing out her faces to each other, capturing countless images and videos on your mobile phones and thinking out loud about how all the cliches are actually true and that she really is a piece of your heart. 

Remember the relief when you were finally discharged and given permission to go home.  Don't forget packing up your belongings at hospital and getting ready to introduce your daughter to fresh air and the outside world for the first time.  I am sure you will remember being slow on your feet and having to take your time,  don't forget the surreal feeling of happiness and relief when you finally got home and all crossed the threshold into your new lives.

Never forget how tiny she was in those first few days.  Remember already starting to worry that she will grow up too quick and you will forget about her tiny days.  Remember holding her in your arms as she slept and promising to her that you would treasure every day, that you would never let any harm come to her and that somehow you and her Daddy would do your best to make her life amazing, happy and healthy.